No GOODBYES. See you again, my friend. (For Stephanie C. Havran. 10/17/83 – 7/24/2014. I miss you so much, mama.)

i love you, always. xox Jaybird

i love you, always.
xox Jaybird

I lost one of my best friends last night.
I feel like I am swimming underwater.
She was only 30,
and left behind a 12 year old little boy who adored her.

She was a beautiful, brilliant, shiny soul —
who could not get past the broken part of her that hurt so
badly with the mental/emotional torment that many uber-intelligent people
We read the same books, listened to the same music, wore
the same kind of clothes, both loved David Foster Wallace
and swimming and trees, art, writing, and BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS.

She invited me over to swim a few days ago and I
was busy. The grief I feel at not having gone is
unfathomable. I hate myself for this.
I will never see her sunshiny blond head and shy smile

I watched her try so hard, and grow, and bloom…
I was wearing her clothes this morning when I found out.
She was a recovering anorexic who gave me heaps of her “skinny clothes” —
just five days ago.
(I told her I was glad that at least SHE did not fit into them, and then laughed sarcastically at my morbid self-deprecation.)
She said she prayed for me every day and gave me a hug.

SHe ALWAYS gave me a hug hello, and goodbye.

If you love someone dearly, please make sure you tell them today.
Give them a hug too. Ask them how they are…
how they REALLY are.

You just never know when they
will gave you the last

Rest in peace, Stephanie, dear friend.
I hope you finally have found peace.
You are loved and will be missed by so many.

I will write to you in my journal later. I know you will read it, and I know you heard me when I cried in the woods today. My arm hairs stood up. I love you.
I will NOT say goodbye.

I will say,simply,

See you again.


Filed under enlightenment/spirit, existentialism, film, life, love, MUSIKKKKK, people, sadness, saints, sinners, and angels, Uncategorized

4 responses to “No GOODBYES. See you again, my friend. (For Stephanie C. Havran. 10/17/83 – 7/24/2014. I miss you so much, mama.)

  1. Janice. So sorry for your loss. Losing someone is always difficult. Sending love, hugs and prayers your way.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. John Decker

    So so sorry prayers are with you


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